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Author jpuzimaki14

Stories : Guild wars jokes

GuildWars tale by jpuzimaki14, 2010-05-01T04:00:00.0000000. Reads: 2774
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here ill post guild wars jokes for you to read and laugh at!

Chapter 1

A Ranger walks into a waystation one night to find the place totally deserted save for one Ritualist kneeling in a circle of candles. Intrigued, the Ranger knocks on the door frame...

Ritualist: "Shh!"

Ranger: "What're you doing?"

Ritualist: "Communing."

Ranger: "...Communing?"

Ritualist: "..."

Ranger: "Communing with what?"

Ritualist: "The spirit world."

Ranger: "The spirit world?"

Ritualist: "Yes, the spirit world. Now shut up and go away!"

Miffed, the Ranger leaves and camps outside for the night. The next night, after a day of training his Stalker, the Ranger walked back into the waystation, only to find that same Ritualist still kneeling on the floor. The candles had almost burned themselves out and more resembled miniature volcanoes than candles. Exapserated, the Ranger spoke up once more.

Ranger: "You're still communing?"

Ritualist: "Shhh!! Yes, I'm still communing. Go away!"

Ranger: "Just how long does it take to commune with dead people?"

Ritualist: "Longer than you think. Now git!"

The Ranger left in a huff and camped out again. The next night, after taking out his frustrations on several Grawls, the Ranger returned to the waystation and, once again, the Ritualist was kneeling on the floor.

Ranger: "Still communing, huh?"

Ritualist: "Yes..."

Ranger: "You know, if it takes three days to summon a spirit, you might want to look into a new line of work, man."

Ritualist: "I've summoned, discussed with, and banished a few dozen spirits already."

Ranger: "Then why are you still here?!"

Ritualist: "...because I can't see the exit..."

Chapter 2

In the war against the charr, 3 women was out building an encampement in the rain, one necromancer and 2 warriors, the necromancer put up the tent while the 2 warriors dug a trench.

Warrior 1: Why do we have to do this dirty work
Warrior 2: Don't know, I'll go ask the necro

So she got up form the trench and started talking to the necro

Warrior 2: How come we are down there getting aour armor dirty and you are here putting up that lame tent?
Necro: Well it's hard to explain, give me your gloves

Warrior hands necro the gloves

Necro: Now I'll put my hand against this tree and you hit it as hard as you can with your fist

So the warrior takes all she got and pounds the necro hand, the necro is however fast and takes away the hand so the warrior hits the tree. Cursing and swearing the warrior jumps back down into the trench

Warrior 1: How did it go?
Warrior 2: Well it's hard to explain so I do it like this, I'll put my hand infront of my face and then you hit it as hard as you can with your shovel

Chapter 3

A district in RoF is empty aside from a monk, six elementalists, and a wammo. With nobody else available, they all get into a party. Unsatisfied with only one monk, the wammo demands that all the elementalists go E/Mo and put points into healing prayers.
Afraid of losing the last member of their team, the eles do such and five minutes later are ready to go.

They enter the mission and within five seconds everyone except the monk is dead. Cursing and whining that neither his mending nor the six E/mos could keep him alive, the wammo ragequits.
Also confused about what had happened, the E/mos question the monk who is preparing to resurrect them all.
"Why did we all die?" they asked.
"Dwayna killed you", the monk replied, "for practicing healing without a liscence."

Chapter 4

2 warriors, same lvl, exactly the same victories in battle, same skills, armor, builds, weapons,
everything was the same and the guild could only take one of them so the leader decided to have a little exam,
both warrior's did their best and was all correct on all questions except one, both on the same question.
So the leader went to one of the warriors and said that he isn't taken.

Warrior: How come, we are equal in all ways, and we were equal in the test, we even answered wrong in the same question

Leader: Yeah, he answered "I don't know" and you answered "not me either"

Chapter 5

How many warriors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One with his attribute points in Bulb Mastery, one with his attribute points in Screw Mastery, and one with his attribute points in Switch Mastery.
Two. One to screw in the lightbulb, and one to die trying to tank the light rays in his pre-searing armour.

How many mesmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one.

How many rangers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Lightbulbs are bad for the environment.

How many elementalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five. One to change it and four to scream for Blood Ritual.

How many PvE Water elementalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All of them.

How many necromancers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They like the dark better.
One necromancer... and 16 minions.

How many monks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They're all on strike.
Three. It's a hard mission and everyone will die otherwise.
Two. One to change it and one for emotional support.

Chapter 6

A warrior and a monk returning from a hard and long quest:
Warrior: Man i gotta pee, rest, sleep and eat when i get home!
Monk: In guild wars you can't pee (too bad for you, hahahah), you never need more rest than for 10 seconds and you can in no way possible sleep.
Warrior: .... oh man, was really looking forward to that...
Monk: Oh almost forgot, you can't get any houses in guild wars..
hey let's just take the 3 last missions in the game now?...!
Warrior: sorry, but the guy playing me need to rest, pee, sleep and eat in his fantastic house...see ya!

Hard life they go through, poor people!

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